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Sam’s Club Nazi’s

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Last night I had the brilliant idea to go with the family to Sam’s Club after dinner to get a few things we were low on.  Usually not a bad idea, because it is a rare event.  We have a pretty decent sized ice chest that we fill up with frozen foods a handful of times per year.  So, suggesting that we go to Sam’s Club wasn’t necessarily going against my better judgement, and disdain of shopping.  Afterall, I like to eat, why not come along and have some say in what I eat.

Well, the first thing I am reminded of as we approach the ‘sentry’s gate’ called the store entrance, my wife digs in her purse to get out the magic club card.  For without this mystical plastic piece, entrance shall be forbidden.  Ok, so I get it…kind of.  We get inside and go about our business selecting our items.  I’m also struck that for a Friday night it was pretty slow around there.  Apparantly they reserve the tasty free samples for the Saturday & Sunday crowd.  We were out of luck in that department.  Naturally there were a few things we needed and had to search extensively for, somewhat like Indiana Jones searching for the Ark of the Covenant.  Notably missing was adequate staff for which to actually assist customers in their shopping quests.  Hey Sam’s, would it be too much to ask for GPS on thos shopping carts?  Just a thought.

Ok, fast forward to check out.  I became somewhat aggravated with ‘grandma’ who was out scoring her supplies as well.  Just an aside here, in Jeff’s perfect world, the elderly would be required to enter public places, such as; the mall, banks, grocery stores etc Monday through Friday only during business hours when younger folk were working.  Come on, is it that necessary for these people to reserve their shopping for weekends and evenings?  Does counting pills, doing crossword puzzles and knitting take that much time during the week?  They are clogging up the works and slowing the rest of us down!  But I digress.  So there is ‘grandma’ WRITING A CHECK, and apparantly balancing her checkbook while my frozen broccoli and cheese melt away.  I’m ok with doing certain things ‘old school’ but hey AARP platinum members can we get with the times and get us a nifty VISA debit card…swipe and done?  Geez!

We finally get done in line and go score a couple ICEE drinks (cherry flavor) for the road.  You know, it’s a long ten minute drive home.  Gotta survavive you know.  Then it’s off to that long stinkin’ line to get out of the place.  Now ‘grandpa’ with is tri-focal lenses hanging off his nose, looking like a World War II Nazi SS soldier checking papers at the border…its his turn to slow us down.  Yep, he’s gotta make sure we didn’t steal anything in the twenty foot walk from the register to the door!  Sam’s, I appreciate your willingness to employ America’s elderly and handicapped, believe me I do.  Thank you for making them feel useful.  But, can we please do away with this little nightmare so I don’t acquire botulism from my frozen foods thawing and being refrozen?  I like buying in bulk and getting a deal sometimes, but it’s not worth the emergency room copay, know what I mean?  Seriously, how does Herman the gestapo chief possibly see everything on my receipt in my overflowing buggy?  I swear they are in with local criminals and are just trying to buy more time for the thugs breaking into cars and stealing crap.  Just a theory, but, a pretty good one I think.  Somebody in the Justice Department ought to look into that one.

Peace out, and happy shopping.


Written by jeffgrillomedia

August 13, 2011 at 11:02 am

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