Can You Say, “Oops!”

As you may have heard on the news, the power went out for about 3 million people in the Los Angeles and surrounding areas.  Traffic was a chaotic mess due to the fact that the traffic lights were out.  People were trapped in elevators, (escalator riders were presumably safe).  Air conditioning went out resulting in a multitude of sweaty, grumpy Southern Californians.  Plus, one would imagine the horror of those relying on medical machines to keep them alive at home.  What happened?  A terrorist attack?  Earthquake?  Lightning strike?  Car crash into a telephone pole?  What?!  Nope, none of the above.  An electrical worker doing some sort of project in a sub-station apparently, snipped the wrong cable.  Oopsie!

Can you possibly imagine the sick feeling in the pit of that man’s stomach when he realized his error?  How would you like to be at his next company review?  Imagine the conversation when he got home to his wife and peanutbutter and jelly by candlelight.  “how was your day hone?”  Sounds like Homer Simpson is an actual power company employee.  I only hope Mr. Burns threw him to the hounds!

Here’s what I don’t get.  It was reported that 2 California nuclear power plants were taken offline due to the lack of electricity.  What?!?!?  I know I’m no electrical engineer, nor nuclear scientist, but, huh?  Isn’t it the nuclear power plant that is creating the power in the first place?  Do you mean to tell me, they can’t just stretch an extension cord from some power strip into the reactor?  Holy cow that’s weird.  That’s kind of like… uh, well, it’s sort of like….  well, it’s just weird that’s all!  Springfield, you’ve met your match.

I think I’m going to apply for licensing to start my own nuclear power plant somewhere.  Then, I think I will fail to pay my electric bill.  What are they gonna do, cut me off?  Then millions will lose their power!?  I think I have just devised the greatest get rich quick scheme ever!  All of you who are with me, send me your piggy banks and we’ll go in this together.  No?  Any takers?  I’ve got a feeling I’ll have to go this one alone…

As an aside…I want to let you know I’m pretty excited about this weeks issue of my newsletter.  I wrote an article personally for this issue where I discuss “The MIA Principle.”  It’s a great success strategy and a proven one at that.  Sign up for it…it’s FREE, and you’ll also get my FREE audio presentation, “7Keys to Overcome Every Life Challenge”.    My site is http://www.winatlife.us

God Bless all the families who are mourning the loss of loved ones this 9/11.  May God have mercy on us all.

Beauty Is Skin Deep…But UGLY Goes Straight to the Bone!

Life is an amazing thing.  Perspective is also pretty amazing.  I love how you can have multiple people witness the same event, separate them, and then have them tell what happened.  Invariably, you will get as  many different stories as you have witnesses.  So, it doesn’t surprise me that I find myself having to blog about the topic of ‘ugly’ today.

There is a professor of economics at the University of Texas/Austin by the name of, Daniel Hemmermesh.  He wrote a book called, “Beauty Pays.”  He is advocating adding the classification of ‘ugly’ to affirmative action, putting it on par with the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act).  He maintains that ‘ugly’ is as immutable as a persons race, or disability, and therefore concessions ought to be made to protect the ugly.

Personally, I have no idea how to take this.  On the one hand, as a legally blind person I am appalled!  On the other hand, being that I have a number of years under my belt as a radio personality…and have been told I have a ‘face for radio’…I think, hmmm….more opportunity.  Thankfully, good sense is winning out here.  What the h eck?!  I can only hope that th is is some sort of ‘stunt’ aimed at getting attention to drive book sales for this guy.  I tend to think this is part of the problem with education in America today.  It also speaks loudly to why America is in such economic crisis.  We have guys like this clown teaching us economics!

Where does this end, I ask?  Are companies going to be required to hire ugly folk to act in their commercials?  Will strip club owners be forced to hire overweight and butt ugly women to twirl about those poles?  What’s next?  Affirmative action to cover the lazy?  The stupid?  Come on!

On behalf of blind, ugly, overweight, lazy butt dummies everywhere…I say, stop the madness!

 

The ‘Fitch’ Nixes the ‘Sitch’

I caught some news today that really kind of surprised me.  Believe me when I say that not much surprises me anymore, but, this is kind of a new one on me.

Apparantly, Abercrombie & Fitch decided to take the high road and attempt to acquire a certain modicum of class.  (insert snicker here)  They have made an offer to the ‘Situtation’ and other members of the so-called ‘reality’ show, Jersey Shore,’ to pay them to NOT wear any of their clothing!  Apparantly the no class shore members are an embarassment, and therefore bad for business for the ‘Fitch.’

Now let me just say here, that I’m probably too old to get the whole fitch thing anyway, i’m not exactly in their demographic.  My kids are too little to be shopping there, so I’m pretty much out of the proverbial loop on this one.  But, isn’t this the store that in the not too distant past employed advertising that bordered on child porn?  And isn’t this the company that last year, or maybe even it was this year, like I said, I’m getting old.  They tried selling padded bikini tops that were targeted at 8 year old little girls?  Holy crap!  On the one hand hand, maybe this represents a turn around in corporate policy.  Maybe they have seent he light.  Perhaps they no longer believe that any press is good press.  Maybe they’ve grown tired with the bad rap they have brough on themselves.  Or, maybe in some weird self-righteous attempt to make themselves look better by demonizing others.  Who knows, time will tell I suppose.  But, wow!

So, the cast of greasy slimeballs on the shore are too low class for purveyors of child porn huh?  They must be so proud.  I can proudly say I have never seen that cesspool of a show, but I have seen Dancing with the Stars (again, my wife makes me) and I’ve seen him there.  Less than impressive.  And if you want to see funny, look up the Donald Trump Roast on Comedy Central.  You can find it on youtube for sure.  I don’t know if he wrote his own ‘jokes’ but they were ghastly.  Shoot even Snoop Dogg slayed the crowd.  The situation made Jeff Ross look funny.  Not an easy thing to do.  Ok, who am I kidding, even DONALD TRUMP was comparatively hilarious!

The sad moral of this post is taht A&F really has sunk to new level if they feel they have to bribe anyone to not wear their clothing.  Please!  Gimmie a break.  And as for the pathetic nut jobs that are delusional enough to think they are stars…enjoy the last 30 seconds of your 15 minutes!  tick…tick….tick…  time up!

About to See More Weiner (Anthony Weiner That Is!)

According to a report on WLNK’s ‘Matt & Ramona’ Show in Charlotte Friday afternoon, the end of the world is near! Well, that wasn’t exactly the topic of conversation, but, the end result might as well be the same. Apparently, none other than disgraced Congressional nerd-gone-wild, “Anthony Weiner’ is in talks to participate in the next ‘Dancing with the Stars’ on ABC.

Holy freakin’ crap! Just when you think that nothing else could strike you as ‘surprising,’ along comes a sleazy, slimy little slap in the face called ‘Weiner.’ First of all, what the heck is his wife thinking? Is she still in the picture? If she is, and she approved this disaster, I just lost respect for her now. Wasn’t it bad enough that this creepy, scrawny, angry, defiant little liar of a weasel flaunted his weiner all over the web because this ‘lawmaker’ wasn’t intelligent enough to know the difference between, ‘reply’ and ‘reply all’… but now, we may have to see his awkward, nasty little physique prance about the stage with some hot Russian 20-something Stolichnaya chick. Good grief Charlie Brown!

I honestly don’t know fully whether I should be horrified, or drawn to this little carnival freakshow of a train wreck and actually watch. It just doesn’t seem right that I should be watching some weiner fly about my 50” DLP TV without porn being involved. (Not that I approve of that sort of thing anyway…just taking advantage of an obvious pun). Shame on me.

So before I go any further I need to get the following off my chest:
1. Can we PLEASE elect leaders that are smarter than the rest of us?
2. Would it be too much to ask that they not be allowed access to the net so that we can avoid this weirdness in the future?
3. Do we have to endure these guys deliberately deceiving us? How about when they get caught, we don’t call for a committee to ‘look into the matter’, but rather, immediately kick their hind ends out and lock the door?

Well, I just decided I’ve said enough about this individual. I just hope to the good Lord above that he doesn’t taint this season with his presence. Oh by the way, the only reason I watch is because I have to. My wife makes me! For real!

Now listen up ABC, I’d like to recommend my list of ‘stars’ I’d like to actually see on your show. Not in any particular order, just get them on!
1. Nancy Grace (of HLN…nobody watches this crap so I had to elaborate)– I don’t really like her. I actually find her immensely annoying, but think it would be hilarious to listen to her yell at everyone.
2. Seth MacFarlane – he amuses me
3. Martha Stewart – don’t like her either, but would watch just to see her snap her ankle. I figure it might be weakened from wearing that Federal ‘bracelet’
4. Mike Tyson – “I just snapped” –need I say more?
5. Regis Philbin – He’s out of control! Is he still alive?
6. Robin Meade of HLN’s Morning Express….is it just me, or is she hot? Goooooood morning sunshine!
7. For this slot I suggest we insert either Stevie Wonder or Steven Hawking. Before you get crazy on me, hear me out. They had that deaf chick on and she did well, so why not other handicaps? Let’s just parade all categories of disabled around for the viewing pleasure of America. Behave! Before you go nuts, you should know, I’m legally blind myself. So, consider this prior comment, my God-given privilege. No? Ok, my bad.
8. Larry King ( no joke necessary)
9. Jessica Alba – only if she promises to wear that leather suit she used to wear on ‘Dark Angel’
10. Sara Ferguson (yeah former dutchess of wales or whatever) Goodness knows she’s not doing anything these days.
11. Hey, speaking of Fergi…I’d like to see Miss Boom Boom Pow doing the Cha-Cha-Cha
12. Walter. You know, Jeff Dunham’s puppet! Come on, tell me that wouldn’t be the most hilarious thing to hit television since…well, ever! You’d have Walter holding on to a female dance instructor, again let’s just go with miss Stolichnaya, and you’d have Jeff running around with his hand up his backside making it all happen. Good times.

Alright, so maybe this dream lineup of mine will most likely never see the light of day, but, dang it, I had fun. Let’s hear your dream, ‘Dancing with the Stars’ lineup. Post it, and see if I like yours better.

Charlie Sheen to be Roasted on Comedy Central-Are You Serious?

Tragedy has never before begged so loudly to overtake an individual as it apparantly is pursuing Charlie Sheen. Actually, henceforth I will refer to ‘him’ as ‘Chuckles.’ My reasons are personal, but suffice it to say that I have a no ‘Charlie Sheen’ policy. It is pretty strict too. I had to bend the rules just to write this.

I’m not sure when Comedy Central announced this, but I just heard on WLNK 107.9FM in Charlotte that Comedy Central will present the ‘Chuckles’ Celebrity Roast on September 19th.

I’m having a few problems with this. First, I think that the comics presenting that night ought to be donating their time, as they won’t have to actually do anything but deliver the punchlines. I mean to say, with ‘Chuckles’ the comedy pretty much writes itself. Seriously, could the last few months have been any more comical then his wacko tirades. In addition to the fact that the comics won’t actually have to do much, I have a problem with the $2 Million payday ole ‘Chuckles’ will be taking home. In my never-to-be-humble opinion he should donate the money to a worthwhile charity. Perhaps something along the lines of “Free HIV testing for wayward ex-porn stars.” Maybe even give to the fund for ‘The Society for Rescuing Poor Innocent Children from the Clutches of Obviously Insane Hollywood Parents.” (a personal favorite of mine). Look, I know a lot of people dig the ‘Chuckler’…but, I ain’t buying the load Mr. Torpedo of Truth is Selling. Not sure who I feel worse for, the little ‘Chucklets’ or Martin Sheen. Which is worse, being dragged into the twisted world of an insane man, whose rants make Manson (oddly enough, another ‘Chuck’) look like an intelligent choir boy.

Don’t get me wrong, I will again bend the rules I have imposed upon myself and tune in to the Comedy Central Roast of ‘Chuckles.’ Maybe, just maybe, the likes of Jeff Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, Gi8lbert Godfried and that anorexic Whitney Chick won’t disappoint me. Maybe they won’t go for the usual, obvious gags about his sex life, drug abuse, womanizing, insane tirades, shouting from rooftops……wait, what I talking about? What am I saying, it’s the same old same old.

Hey Comedy Central, why don’t you get some good comics to roast for you? How about people like, Brian Regan, Kathleen Madigan, Steven Wright…shoot, even Snoop Dogg did a better job on the Donald Trump Roast then those other clowns.

At any rate, look for my post the day after that one for sure.

I’ll Take ‘Snap Goes the Tendon” for $1,000 Alex.

The Question is:

He woke up in his San Francisco hotel room about 2am, only to find some creepy lady robbing his room.  The woman stole cash and jewelry and proceeded to run away with the loot.  His aging butt chased her down the hallway, only to hear and feel his achilles tendon go ‘snap!’  He fell into a (word I can’t spell and don’t know what it means inserted here) heap on the floor.  The woman was later caught and charged with robbing him.

 

The Answer…in the form of a question please?

Who is Alex Trebek?  CORRECT!

You know, when I heard this story on HLN this morning, I paused in disbelief for a few reasons.  First, how the heck this creepy chick managed to get into the room where Alex and his wife were sleeping.  Next, the horror of the unfortunate visual of Alex in his nighty’s running down the hall where surely hotel security cameras now have the image getting ready for YouTube glory.  My next thought was the fact that this dude, who is what….in his late 60’s or older, was actually giving chase to this dastardly villianess.  That part was actually fairly impressive.  Frankly, if it was me waking up in the middle of the night, in a hotel, only to find someone, even a female, robbingme…I would have pushed out a quick load of molten chocolately goodness in my unmentionables.  In that condition, giving chase to a perp would have been darned near impossible.  Anyway, the last thing that really gave me pause, was the quote Alex gave the media post trauma.  He said something like….when he heard his tendon snap he fell in an(ignaminimus) heap on the floor.  People off camera were heard laughing at htis statement.  Here’s my problem with this.  First of all, I put the word in parenthesis becuase I have no idea how to spell it, say it, and certainly have no idea what the heck this pompous Jeopardy dude was trying to say.  Next, I was amazed that people around him were laughing as though they knew the word, what it meant, and got his nerdy Jeopardy pun.

Sure the lesson here is more that I need to read books that are above an 8th grade level a little more often.  But, beyond the obvious, I discovered there are alot of posers out there.  Sure one could argue that he was in the middle of a more educated crowd, but I say nay!  I have convinced myself it was more of them wanting to appear as erudite individuals.

There, that last statement is called self-comforting.  I had to use a Trebekian word to make myself feel better over not having a clue as to the meannig of the earlier mentioned one.

Well, be checking out YouTube for Alex in his elderly glory hobbling down the hall.  It’s sure to be there soon!